English Version

Antarctica Declares Independence, Elects Penguin as First 'Supreme Leader'

DATELINE: McMurdo Station, Antarctica — April 1, 2024

In an unprecedented geopolitical development that has left world leaders speechless and biologists utterly baffled, the continent of Antarctica has officially declared its sovereignty, establishing itself as the "Glacial Republic of Antarctica." In its first act as a new nation, its citizens—a coalition of sentient penguins and a handful of disillusioned research scientists—have elected an Emperor penguin, known formally as His Excellency, Emperor Percival I, as their first Supreme Leader.

The declaration was broadcast globally via a modified short-wave radio signal, reportedly powered by a series of linked potatoes. The broadcast, mostly consisting of loud squawking, was translated by Dr. Alistair Finch, a rogue ornithologist who has been named the republic's "Minister of Human-Penguin Communications."

"His Excellency, Emperor Percival I, has issued his first decree," Dr. Finch announced, barely containing his excitement. "The new national policy is simple: more fish for everyone, and warmer rocks for sunbathing. All territorial claims by other nations are now null and void. We are a free state, governed by the principles of equitable krill distribution and the undeniable charisma of our feathered leader."

International reaction has been a mixture of disbelief and cautious amusement. A United Nations spokesperson stated they are "monitoring the situation" but are unsure which diplomatic protocols apply to avian heads of state.

The new nation has already unveiled its flag, which features a single, majestic cod fish on a field of white and blue ice. Their national anthem is described as "a series of dignified squawks, followed by a triumphant belly-slide." The new currency, the "K-Bill" (Krill-Bill), is expected to be volatile.

中文版

南极洲宣布独立，选举企鹅为首任“最高领袖”

发稿日期：南极洲，麦克默多站 — 2024年4月1日

在一场史无前例、令世界各国领导人哑口无言、让生物学家们困惑不已的地缘政治剧变中，南极洲大陆已正式宣布其主权，建立**“南极冰川共和国”。作为新国家的第一个法案，其公民——一个由具有自我意识的企鹅和少数心怀不满的科学家组成的联盟——选举了一只帝企鹅，正式尊称为“珀西瓦尔一世大帝陛下”**，担任其首位最高领袖。

该独立宣言通过一个据称由一串串联的土豆供电的改装短波无线电信号向全球播出。广播内容主要由响亮的呱呱叫声组成，由一位名叫阿里斯泰尔·芬奇博士的叛逆鸟类学家翻译，他已被任命为共和国的“人-企鹅交流部部长”。

芬奇博士几乎无法抑制自己的兴奋，他宣布道：“珀西瓦尔一世大帝陛下已经颁布了他的第一项法令。新的国家政策很简单：人人有更多的鱼吃，以及更温暖的岩石用于日光浴。所有其他国家对南极的领土主张现在都无效了。我们是一个自由的国家，奉行磷虾公平分配原则和我们羽毛领袖不可否认的魅力。”

国际社会的反应是难以置信和谨慎观望的混合体。一位联合国发言人表示，他们正在“密切关注局势”，但不确定哪种外交礼节适用于鸟类国家元首。

这个新国家已经公布了其国旗，图案为在蓝白相间的冰原上的一条雄伟的鳕鱼。其国歌被描述为“一系列庄严的呱呱声，随后是胜利的肚皮滑行”。新货币“K元”（磷虾元）预计将会有较大波动。